What a Shame :(

Unlucky me, I'm still thinking of you until this second.

I went back to our first conversation... I expected nothing at the time. I guarded myself, responded you less because I didn't wanna hope too much on you. Time went by, for some reason I tried to believe on your words, decided to take risks. Even my friends didn't believe on you, I tried to walk on this path and insanely hoped for a miracle. Then I started to build my dream... with you.

You became one of my habits. You might not know, but for me habit is something I loved and addicted to... I felt regret why I was so serious in this. I drown on this, and I knew that you had no idea how much I miss you.

You might laugh on me, now. Might be... you just fooled me and played around with me while I thought that I was the only girl that you talked to. What the hell...

I dreamt too high... I should know that you're not serious and just teased me, didn't you?
You never meant your "I love you", right?

It's not your fault... It's my bad. My bad.

I am Standing Still

"...So far away, I wish you were here. Before it's too late, this could all disappear. Before the doors close and it comes to an end. With you by my side I will fight and defend, I'll fight and defend"

...

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

To be honest, my heart always sing that song... everytime. But my brain reminds me... that I've wasted too much time in this. 

Feeling stupid, why do I always just feel and never think?

Yesterday, I shared story to 2 of my God brothers... I didn't even finish telling them my whole story, and one of them cut my sentence and said... 

"No need to continue the story... I said that you must stop. You've wasted too much time. That's a big obstacle and you couldn't continue this. You're so miserable... Enjoy your life, don't be like this."

And the other one said.. 

"I ever told you, right? I used harsh words and said that you might not trust him... You could talk to him everytime but I asked you must not to focus on that guy only. Open yourself to another guys too. And now you could see that, this is your biggest mistake."

I told them that that wasn't my first time I heard that kind of suggestions. My brain has told me to do that, too. But I had no idea why I always follow my heart, waited for him and believed that there will be a way for us to make this works. 

Yeah... Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We're so much different in many things, especially in the way of think. Men are logical, women are emotional. Including these my 2 God brothers and... Him also.

Well, let see what will I do. Still stubborn and prior my feeling or work hard to think like men... Logically.

Why is Heaven So Far?

Dear someone in heaven,
Suddenly, I miss you soooo bad. But unlucky me, heaven is too far to be reached.

I'm so sorry when you're still beside me, I seldom talked to you. Now... I'm craving to talk to you, share to you about my stories until laugh or even cry loudly and... hug you tightly.

How are you there? God must take care of you very well, right? you must have the most comfortable bed to sleep and get the most delicious foods to eat. And, how do you look? I'm so curious about it, since our last meeting was 10 years ago. But again... I'm sure that you're far prettier than you were years ago.

Well, I'm doing fine enough here. See you when I see you ;)

"Dear God, the only thing I ask of you is to hold her when I'm not around... When I'm much too far away."

Avenged Sevenfold - Dear God

A Letter For Self

Hola my dear self,

I beg you to control yourself. You know yourself best, dear. You're mature enough to set your priority. What's that? your future. Do something good for your future. Take a step, do something, pray to God for your dreams.

For now, all you have to do is do and finish your thesis in 3 months. Make your parents proud to have you as a daughter. No more stubbornness... do what they ask you to do. No more procrastination, you have to write even a paragraph for your thesis each day... at least.

Believe me...
When you've done your thesis, your life will be easier. And your parents will be happy for that, for sure.

After it you can start chasing your dreams...

Don't you wanna get a scholarship to study abroad? Live in another country and be surrounded by new people with different culture? Go get it after you finish the thesis.

Don't you wanna get married soon and live happily with your dreamy husband? You'll have it, dear. But again, finish your thesis, first ;)

All you have to do now is doing your thesis. Don't waste you time in thinking about love life, for months ahead. That's too risky to do now. You can do this later.

I know and believe you can do this.
Do this for me, okay?

Lots of luck,


-Your self

"If you wanna live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things."

-Albert Einstein

Everything Can Change In a Blink of Eyes

"My dear, don't laugh too loud... I'm afraid that you'll cry loud after it."

That some word from my father. Now, I know what it means. Something can change, even in a blink of our eyes, as fast as thunder, as easy as you flip your hand and so on...

Times ago, I felt very happy cause of someone. I don't know him well, he doesn't know me either.

He's a participant from an event I arranged for. Many girls like him. Well, no offense... He's handsome. My friends were busy with him, talked about him. But i felt nothing's special, I joined my friends just for fun during the event. Lol.

In brief, secret and amazing way weeks later after the event... we suddenly close to each other. Talk all the time. He even said that he loves me. I'm trying hard to know him better, first. And I never expected that he survives --keep contacting me for months even I responded him with nothing special.

Finally, I responded for his feeling. I said it to him, "I think I love you, too. Even I have to convince myself more". He asked me the reason, then I answered, "Hehe, you have to know that I couldn't open myself and talk much to everyone. I'm very happy cause I could talk to you this open, honest and straightforwardly. I feel comfortable in talking with you. I thought that's all."

Everything went smoothly. We talked almost every time. He sent me morning text, good nite greetings, and everyday we never skipped time to talk. This is perfect... I thought. I'm very happy, happiness that I couldn't describe in words.

Then...
Something happened. I don't even know clearly what's that something. All I know, our conversation became cold and not close anymore. We really try to fix, but it didn't work. Again, I have to let the happiness go.

I don't know and will never know what someone saves in their heart.
All I know is, i've drown into this habit and have to get out, soon.

"Coffee and love are best when they are hot."

-German Proverb

Late greetings: Merry Christmas! :)

Merry Christmas to everyone, especially friends who celebrate this Holy-Day!

I always love the scent of Christmas Eve. Christmas tree, Gifts and Santa.

Colorful and joyful. Scent of Christmas.

I love the scent of Christmas.

This year, I join the celebration.

We have a christmas tree.

Feel the scent of Christmas (for real).

And I love it! :)

Once more, Merry Christmas everyone!

Cheers! Smile :)

Learning Languages Online!

Helloooooo! Long time no post hahaha. Busy as a college student I think. There are many tasks I have to do, Mid Test, Final Test, working group, individual assignment, reading many books, do researches and also hang out with my best frieeends.

As an International Relations student, I have to master some foreign languages (English is not included). In Paramadina, I have to join Second Foreign Language class. There are four options; Chinese, French, Arabian and Japanese. And among those languages students have to choose one. Apparently I want to master all of those languages! But, I couldn't do that :( So i decided to choose Chinese as mine.

Besides, I really interested in Italian. But, some people doesn't do love to choose Italian as foreign language beside English. I have bought some books to learn Italian, but I have some problems about its pronunciation :(

Suddenly, I want to google about The Italian Language Learning Center.. And I found some websites which offer to teach us online! :'D I was really happy I found them! I was trying to learn Italian in some websites and I think that was really amazing and interesting. Some of them teach us about the pronunciation also, by preparing the lesson in the audio format.

Try them ;) I'll give you link. There are many languages there. Good Luck :D

Click Here Guys!