A Gigantic Love

My Dear… If I wanted to, I could come to you when you asked me to.

I have a gigantic love for you and I wanna make sure you deserve it. I wanna see how fate and magic work for us, see how our patience and love survive so that finally we can have more than a love story. We can name it a gigantic love story.

I let the distance becomes longer, in order to see how much you’ll miss me. Risky, yes it is. I know that some other things might happen. You might forget me instead of miss me, meet many girls and the worst possibility is fall in in love with some of them. I don’t let you yet I don’t wanna control you. Remember, I used to tell you that we don’t control each other’s  thing – both mind and heart, our ownselves do. I’m afraid to lose you yet I’m curious about your love for me – so I give you a test, thus I choose to walk on this road rather than fly on fast-track of the air. I deserve your gigantic love, not the ordinary one. Gigantic love or no love, at all.

That’s what I mean, but I don’t need to tell you – even give you hints. Again, possibilities are everywhere. Misunderstanding might get a big chance to come into your mind. You might think that I don’t love you anymore. I know… Moreover, I realize. But, I don’t even want to resist it. I totally let you doing your parts. I want you to learn myself without interfering your mind. I want you to love me without asking you to. Really, I hate asking. Learn about me, because that’s a slice of a round of a gigantic love.

The current situation is… You’re away. You’re thousands mile away, physically – from me. Your love might be away – together with you. I have no idea whether it’s the ending (no-love-at-all ending) or it’s only a part of the episodes.

I don’t wanna guess about what’s really happening, whether ours has met its ending or it still has some more episodes. I have a gigantic love for you, I said. I learn yourself because of my gigantic love and I don’t wanna stop today. This is my part, please don’t interfere. I won’t bother you with my questions while I’m learning, so don’t worry. Direct answers are easy to get, but I’m not interested to them. I hate asking and I’ll find the answer by myself. One day when we meet in person, I’ll show you how I’ve learned about you well. When will we meet? Let the fate and magic work while I’m taking care of my love and patience.

My dear, nothing is futile… I learn you too often. If you know what I mean.

Cheers!

Thanks...

all I can do is, write a letter.

Let's Runaway! (Little Baghdad, Kemang)

Hours ago, just had fun dinner with my Chibi and Ayi. Yippie! Actually not-so-in-the-mood to step out from my room, but they are my exception then :D

I didn't have to pretend that I'm happy, cause I'll always be happy when I'm with them.

My room will always be a playground -_-

We've planned to go out for dinner and we decided to go to Little Baghdad, Kemang. Actually it's a tea and shisha house, but it has many delicious foods, too. Well, place is in second place... be with them is in the first place.

This is how Little Baghdad looks like. It has outdoor sets too, but I  was too lazy to take the pict hehe

Arabian foods that we ordered

I really had fun there, we talked about everything... Million hugs for you both! ;)

xoxo

See you when I'm great enough!

Let's Runaway! (Jogjakarta)

Times ago, I started an adventure. Hahaha actually... at the time I needed to refresh my mind so much. Then, my best friend, Lala asked me to go to Jogja. Lucky me, I had some saving and I agree to do that.

I was really need to bring my (unimportant) over-thought somewhere and leave it there. Well, it worked well. I forgot about him and enjoyed my runaway time with this dearest friend in Jogja... enjoyed it from my first step.

We decided to take a business train that left Jakarta in the morning from Stasiun Senen, called Fajar Utama Yogya. We booked it online and I love this train! Fyi, the train is completed with a charging port and air conditioner. The most important thing is, it's comfortable and clean.

Look like backpackers? hehe

Arrived at Stasiun Senen so early. Thanks Aaron for taking us ({})

Our tickets. Yeay!

Charging port and our childish stuffs. 

We tried to make our trip fun :D 

Documentation is the most.... important!

I was really sleepy at the time, but then this thing distracted me so much. Couldn't stop looking at the... Peaceful view. I wanna kiss them all :3

In 9 hours... We arrived at Stasiun Tugu Jogjakarta. Yippieeee. And we took becak to find a hotel. Just for Rp5.000!

This man took us until we got a hotel to stay :")

We stayed at a hotel near Malioboro. We could walk on foot and shopped in Malioboro. Oh My God.. I love Malioboro to the max! I wanted to buy every stuffs for real..

Then, we met Lala's cousin named Faris that studies there. Faris and his friends took us to Raminten.

With Faris at Raminten

Next day, we explored Jogja by ourselves.

Becak oh becak

We walked on foot in this street

Had some coffee in one of Jogja's cafe

Thanks to my other best friend, Lesly... who let her friend accompanied us during our runaway in Jogja in our last days. They're Angga and Goben. They took us to Alun-alun, accompanied me to pass the gate there with eyes closed and I made it!


They also introduced their other friends to us in the last day. We planned to go to the beach, but for some reason we couldn't make it. So, we go to a place called Parangendhog. And, this is a great place with a great view.

Parangtritis view from above

New brothers! Yeay!

In brief... Jogja is soooo peaceful!

What a Shame :(

Unlucky me, I'm still thinking of you until this second.

I went back to our first conversation... I expected nothing at the time. I guarded myself, responded you less because I didn't wanna hope too much on you. Time went by, for some reason I tried to believe on your words, decided to take risks. Even my friends didn't believe on you, I tried to walk on this path and insanely hoped for a miracle. Then I started to build my dream... with you.

You became one of my habits. You might not know, but for me habit is something I loved and addicted to... I felt regret why I was so serious in this. I drown on this, and I knew that you had no idea how much I miss you.

You might laugh on me, now. Might be... you just fooled me and played around with me while I thought that I was the only girl that you talked to. What the hell...

I dreamt too high... I should know that you're not serious and just teased me, didn't you?
You never meant your "I love you", right?

It's not your fault... It's my bad. My bad.

I am Standing Still

"...So far away, I wish you were here. Before it's too late, this could all disappear. Before the doors close and it comes to an end. With you by my side I will fight and defend, I'll fight and defend"

...

Avril Lavigne - Keep Holding On

To be honest, my heart always sing that song... everytime. But my brain reminds me... that I've wasted too much time in this. 

Feeling stupid, why do I always just feel and never think?

Yesterday, I shared story to 2 of my God brothers... I didn't even finish telling them my whole story, and one of them cut my sentence and said... 

"No need to continue the story... I said that you must stop. You've wasted too much time. That's a big obstacle and you couldn't continue this. You're so miserable... Enjoy your life, don't be like this."

And the other one said.. 

"I ever told you, right? I used harsh words and said that you might not trust him... You could talk to him everytime but I asked you must not to focus on that guy only. Open yourself to another guys too. And now you could see that, this is your biggest mistake."

I told them that that wasn't my first time I heard that kind of suggestions. My brain has told me to do that, too. But I had no idea why I always follow my heart, waited for him and believed that there will be a way for us to make this works. 

Yeah... Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. We're so much different in many things, especially in the way of think. Men are logical, women are emotional. Including these my 2 God brothers and... Him also.

Well, let see what will I do. Still stubborn and prior my feeling or work hard to think like men... Logically.