You may also know about Bipolar Disorder that famous with one of its symptoms: drastic mood-swing. I don't know whether I suffer from it or not. But, I have 9 of its 10 symptoms which one website provides . You might have experienced or felt that I often be so puzzling, I could be super happy and cheerful, then in seconds, I turned to a super annoying person. Or, I asked you guys to eat somewhere, then when we have arrived and I haven't even finished my meal, I wanted to leave the place. I feel sad until I cry without even knowing the reason. I used to write things in order to seek for attention, until I have to stop using social medias for months, just to try stopping myself.
My personality is a combination of those "complex" things and they shape myself into a complicated self. I'm an introvert, also typical shy and hypersensitive person (and may be bipolar sufferer). For years, I've tried to transform myself to a better one. Better doesn't mean changing my introversion to extroversion. In my perspective, better is closer to eliminating the obstacles in the socializing process that often come from my "weird" personality.
Well, I guess you may think that I'm so much different now than the description above --I'm no longer quiet, shy and hypersensitive. I talk loudly, be among the crowds and stand in the front confidently. To be honest, I try so hard to do those things. I leave my comfort zone to survive in the friendships I've built. Briefly saying, it's not easy for me.
It's not a grievance anyway. I'm learning wholeheartedly.
On the other side, there are always my friends who try their best to deal with my drastic mood-swing and unpredictability --which are difficult to deal with. When they asked about what's happening on me, I couldn't explain to them, not because I didn't want to but because I didn't even know why those situations emerged. I once said to one of them, "friends of mine are all great, because they are so patient in dealing with me and my complexities". However, just because they are great and patient, doesn't mean I stop learning to improve myself. Big hug to all of my beloved friends!
I wrote this so that you know, that I need something named process in order to be a better person. Besides, I'm not good in explaining directly about myself to people and I hope this piece of writing could be answers for all questions you've kept about my behaviors, actions or else. Oh, also, so that you could understand... certain personalities do exist and you may not jump to conclusion that they're all are negative -- due to our tendency to use what we have or do as benchmark or indicator in judging people. Learn others.
