Letter to Heaven

My Heaven, I miss you.
Going back to around 11 years ago, when I had to resist my tears while kissing you. That's my first and last kiss for you.

Still remember... How people embraced me at the moment. They said, I'm a good and tough little-girl and if I cried, then you'd be sad.

Okay... I didn't cry. But the moment changed the idea about life to 11-years-old me. I didn't wanna live long, what I said to myself. I'm afraid... Afraid that my another beloved people will leave me and I can't resist my tears anymore when it happens. Afraid feeling grew into scared one, I even asked God to pick me up first before He does it to my another beloved ones. Little-me realized that it's such a selfish one, yet she really scared to feel another loss. For weeks, I couldn't sleep because of that paranoia.

But, magically I healed it. Busied with my homeworks, new friends, new house, new school, good scores, and so on. Your photo on my desk was enough. You're so far away yet I have many people that love me here.

My Heaven... You used to tell me this, "if someone who have passed away really love us, they won't come into our dreams." Then I asked you back with a why. With a smile you answered me, "because they don't wanna make us miss them more and feel sad, honey..."

That's why you never appeared in my dreams? Even once, you never. Amazing how you stick to ur words for years. You must love me much. I know, right?

Time is up and I know what to do now. I have to come back home, meet the dining and living room. I wanna come back home, so that I can feel you there.